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i have given less love to my fans
than a chinese girl gets from her dad
but i swear on her shallow grave
that it won't happen again
that's right i'm back, i know you've heard it before
along with jokes about how your mom is a whore
but i'm serious, this time i mean it
she's as easy as taking candy from a baby quadripilegic
i'm like the terminator
without the swollen muscles and the shrunken sack
when i'm gone you can rest assured, I'LL BE BACK
just like the repressed memories
of that one time with your uncle steve
when you least expect me, there i'll be
the source of your suffering
and i know i've been gone for way too long
but i'm a little bit north of an asscrack
i am the only safe man at the gay parade
what i'm trying to say is i'm back
uhole was born in 2007
over the years it died and went to heaven
now all my time is spent doing boring adult things
a car to bring a job, a job to bring the bling
cause i'm a grown ass man with my own house and shit
if i want to run around screaming naked i can do it
like i said, adult stuff
i've been GONEarrhea, but i've become herpes
i've been syphilLOST but now you can't get rid of me
so i'll just keep pumping out
song with stupid lyrics about
how stupid my lyrics are
but this is metal and metal is par
alright, so to recap i'm back and i still rock
and there's really nothing more
no wait, just one last thing- your mom's a whore
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hey everybody, let's go out across my hair
and I better walk over a little cup
mailbox crushed into ms paint
a lot of people don't even sure
i have to be important.
my foot scrapes the shingles and hopefully all of his face
i have a ride through the washing machine to finally kill it.
not death kwon do technique pelvic thrust
i don't wanna learn and be free!
you will all be catching other people's ears
we have one recording, but it's the new songs and we're hungry.
he was out of his face, he was out of his face
feels good man. Hydreigon one shots all my question at New track.
a plastic shark, about two feet long, and only two horses from farm B
some sort of rock / progressive / jackie brown horse
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if my cars get dirty, i throw em away
if my hos get dirty, i give em a raise
cars may not stay and hos fade with age
but i still got cash all day every day
been shot four times but it's no big deal
been to jail more times cause i keep it real
i'll kill i will won't chill don't feel
like it motherfucker i'm a gangsta still
but i wasn't always this gangsta..
i remember the days before we grew to be so old
play tag, play some video games, fuck yeah let's dig some holes!
hours in cabinets and clothes baskets playing hide and seek
PBJs and ramen noodles were the only things we'd eat
my calculater watch tells me that it's 3:59
drop whatever you're doing cause it's almost time
run as hard as you can, oh shit we gotta see
today's episode of dragon ball z
when we were little kids there wasn't such a thing as danger
we knew if shit got real that we'd be saved by the power rangers
and we only knew one kind of drama:
"holy shit! who turned the floor into lava?"
no i won't mention the pink ranger's boobies
back then all we could gain from girls was cooties
i swear we watched some funny shit on the tv
if you know who loves orange soda, than you know what i mean
but kids these days live inside of their phones
and most twelve year olds have kids of their own
we're the product of nintendo 64s
they're the product of shit like jersey shores
and now we're old as fuck, and being old really sucks
except the freedom, driving, money, and having sex too
nevermind kids are gay, so being old is what we'll do
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hey link, get off your butt, grow a pair of deku nuts
first save the deku tree, you tree huggin hippie
stop playing with your deku stick, and raid that spider bitch
don't call me fairy boy, you horsey whore
bitch please! i've got the master sword
side-hoppin hyrule field, straight for gannondorf
bitch please! i've got the master sword
seven years pass...
link awakens, now complete with pubes
can't stop thinkin about zelda's boobs
but they can wait, i'm goin fishin
i would relax but, navi won't stop bitchin
back to work, slay the phantom and the dragon
if i don't hurry those boobs will be saggin
the water temple is full of link's tears
cause it cost him another seven years
shadow and spirit, collect more hearts and shit
visit the great fairies and their triangle tits
storm into gannon's castle, sword into gannon's asshole
i am the king of hyrule, my name is link and i rule
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move over burger king, there's a new bk in town
banjo kazooie kicks your ass, so surrender that crown
the game is old, i know, so here's why you should care
first of all- holy shit! banjo is a goddamn bear!
and there's the bird, ass kicking with her beak slashings
and tearing enemies new ones with her snarky tongue lashings
shitting eggs and running hella fast, while banjo sits on his ass
what's that? you don't think it's fair? may i remind you HE'S A GODDAMN BEAR!
that fat witch bitch needs tooty, to fix that nasty booty
but she will fall at the claws, of banjo fuckin kazooie
despite the game being rated E, it may scar some kids mentally
a cross dressing gorilla, termites as big as you
mecha jabu jabu lives in a broth of his own poo
and it seems vaguely racist, at least to me
that the black jinjos are the biggest family
but if anything will drive you to insanity
it's the futile pursuit of that goddamn ice key
the stop and swap was awesome! but if you ask some jerk
he'll bring up it's only flaw- the fact that it didn't work
rare was like "we can't do that? aww that is hella gay!
nah, this idea is too cool, put it in there anyway!"
"what's so great about banjo kazooie you ask, huh!?
well i'm just not even sure i can put it into words
but i sure as hell can try
ever just looked across a misty shoreline?
gazed over beyond the horizon and said to yourself
'what if?' ..there you go" -JonTron
what other game lets you play as a washing machine?
to help a bunny get his shit-stained uniform clean?
and does that really say "salty seamen surprise!?"
oh yeah, that's really subtle there guys
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so you think that the first generation
of pokemon are cool, but that's it?
sorry but i gotta say, that's just some tauros shit
pokemon is still the tits, maybe you just can't handle it
the games are as cool as shorts and they're comfy and easy to wear
they taught us how to love when we were only eight
they taught us murder, remember gary's raticate?
your mom-
requires a pokeflute to wake up every morning
has a heavy ball modifier of plus forty
ohhh, no he just ditten
this bitch be critical hittin
you had the only mew on the playground, you were the boss of middle school
but after that if you had pokemon at all you just weren't cool
how could you turn your back on the best friends you had?
they would take a bubble beam for you, they are true comrades
if hating on pokemon is your goal
then YOU SUCK says rapidash/keldeo hole
harder than giga drain
you're so lame that it's insane
you blow my mind but you don't care
like a diglet sitting in a chair
"but every game is the same, played one you've played them all"
now remind me how you defend your precious football
but let's get back to your mom, yes let's discuss that ho
she bones more random things than the sluttiest of dittos
more trashy than garbodor, her cloyster dwarfs exploud's gap
she needs a hefty serving of double (pimp) slap
more people get lost in her vagina than in mount moon
no escape rope can save you, should have brought a harpoon
the thought of sex with her turns a thick club right into a nub
it isn't even possible without a PP-Up
ohhhhhhh shit son
you're gonna need a burn heal for that one!
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7. |
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hello welcome to facebook, where you can stalk, poke, and like
hope you weren't planning to do anything else with your life
because you're stuck, you've become one of us
give in, add all your friends, where is the harm?
upload half naked pictures, plant your own farm
ashley posted that she likes mike, and she means like-like
so now you can all like like that she likes- like like-likes mike
you've got to make sure that you add each one of your close friends
in other words every human being that you've ever made eye contact with
god forbid you miss that picture of your uncle's cat
oh look some greenday lyrics, aren't you glad that you saw that?
facebook is 4chan's trashcan, where old jokes go to die
you're thinking "cool story bro" i'm thinking "can i rhyme die with die?"
"share my facebook post FOR jesus, if you don't you'll burn in hell!"
that's right, it's a brand new commandment
add eternal pain to your interests, you may as well
you'll notice the strange trend that all your friends are dating hackers
if your girlfriend pulls that shit might i recommend you smack her?
you just got a new girlfriend? you feel that special tingle?
calm down, it's not official cause her page still says she's single
if she forgot her password then single she will stay
i'm sorry you're in love but facebook's the authority
and if you stay logged on, even when you're gone
somehow, some way, something will turn you gay
maybe this site isn't right for you, you've decided that you are through
you're ready to leave behind this fad? well that's just too fucking bad
cause you can't delete a facebook profile
cause they know you'll come crawling back
to them you're a filthy hobo fiendin for some crack
also your crops will die!
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8. |
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dumb
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if you're on the intenet, but you're not there to fap
then it's obvious that you are looking for some fuckin cats
you won't have to look for long
there are more cats than tits or dongs
there's honestly too many
so let's add more in the form of song
what other animal shits in a box
like it's some kind of gift?
and they sure do give a lot..
but what do you expect? that cat food looks like hell
it looks almost as nasty as the beef from taco bell
it's why they poke their buttholes up so we can see them well
maybe that pink asterisk is really a cry for help
and maybe all the dead mice and birds
are supposed to be a threat, we better fix those turds
to make it up to kitty you buy him an expensive toy
he plays with the box instead so he can keep you annoyed
cause cats are secretly evil, they want humans to choke
it's why every villain has one in his lap to stroke
and kittens- are awesome- but where the- hell do they come from?
do cats e- ven have dicks- what the shit?
i don't want to think about it
when kitty wanders off at night, you rest easy knowing he'll be alright
but if you knew the truth you'd flip, he's off getting fucked up on cat nip
(in case you're wondering why i didn't use a pussy pun
it's cause that joke fucking sucks and it's been overdone)
all you cool cats out there, this one's for you
we gone break it down, you just do what you do
kitty cats! cuddly as fuck!
cute wuddly balls of fluff!
cats! cuddly as fuck
you see the milk so you lap it up
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10. |
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let's start with the SNES!
a giant turtle took your not-quite-wife
so you take his and his baby's lives
wear raccoon skin so that you can fly
now ride a dinosaur, this dude's got to be high
whip medusa in her floppy tits
that severed horse head just don't give a shit
whip that skeleton's bony dick
eat some meat you found under a brick
this one's about pounding beavers if you know what i mean
smashing large rodents with overgrown front teeth
your girlfriend looks like a hooker, but you won't get a peek
but if you time it right she'll blow a kiss to your butt cheek
there's a fighting game with a panther lady with banana tits
and a futuristic racing game where you can choose from almost five whole ships
retro gaming is so surreal
brings back all those childhood feels
just give the cartridge one good blow
and you're ready to go
and the N64!
this game's about taking pictures of cute little creatures
which is almost as fun as the peg-them-in-the-face feature
you could slowly progress to the end but that's kinda lame
just get a shot a jynx flashing you to instantly win the game
all 120 days of the year, you'll find me workin my hoes
i've got a stable full of chicks, and they're lined up in rows
all the girls want me, but i could never last all night
cause time doesn't pass whenever i'm inside
and there's the wise cracking gecko stuck inside the tv
and no i don't mean the one saving you insurance money
turtle stole the mustache's girl once again
but this time the action is paper-thin
just ball his ass up, or even better
drop that bitch into a paper shredder
with devious nanner placement i'll give you hell
the only thing i've got to worry about are blue shells
and if you don't like karting.. we could always just party
in this game strategy takes a back seat to luck
yet still makes all your friends competitive as fuck
the party's over and everyone's trashed
a fight breaks out, everybody's gettin smashed
a gorilla gets raped by a cute, pink balloon
then she finds god's hand and she murders it too
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let's talk about the walking dead
jowls sag down from their heads
angry, slow, and unclean
and it's old people we mean
wake at 4AM and skip the shower
drive a solid 25 mph
still manage to hit a few cars
but who cares cause bingo's about to start!
bingo, where old folks play
bingo, home of the gray
grampimps get funky with grannies
cause they got ten times the crannies
by noon bingo is dead
that's fine, it's time for bed
mostly already dead
we're all infected, science serves only to delay
none unaffected, one day we'll all be grays
we're all infected, and it comes much to my dismay
none unaffected, one day we'll all be grays
we're all infected, kill yourself before it's too late
none unaffected, kill yourself before it's too late
sunday, scrape off the crust
go to church, check on jesus
other days they mix up the mix, just stay home and watch their soaps
the neighbor wanted a nap, but today there is no hope
brave some stairs if you're feeling tough
oops you've fallen and you can't get up
just a broken hip, so worth it
lunch at the cracker barrel, hard candy for dessert
dressed in their nicest pants that eat almost all of their shirt
or maybe just sit and stare at the phone as they grow numb
waiting for a call from their grandkids that will never come
they've forgotten about you, but you forgot their names too
"what if your grandparents hear all of your awful words?"
that isn't possible; i'm not releasing any vinyl records
"but what if they find these lyrics and they read them all?"
that isn't possible; this text is way too small
"but what if someone tells them the things that you had to say?"
well that just won't matter at all, cause they'll forget anyway
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my name blows in with the wind with a message to send
it's a blend of "you sinned" and of "i ain't your friend"
again i tend to grin but i've got lead to lend
i'll bend your mind so you'll find nothing but your end
i walk through the gate and they know it's too late so they
say what they've gotta say and pray if they're gonna pray
cause today's the last of their days- turning fast into prey
drop a blast into their face and plop their ass into a grave
the fastest draw in the world and i never miss
i stopped a fly from flyin by with a single drop of piss
that fly was zippin when i saw him, my fly was zipped
but now he's six inches under a rock that reads RIP
that douchebag billy ain't got half as many kills
and i'd shoot the moss right off of that old man mild bill
tombstone and deadword are too tame for me no doubt
hell sounds pretty fun, but i'm too damn good to find out
i'm a sick shot, i got six shots and believe it or not
i hit the hot spot a lot like a robot
i zero in with a hero's zen and then bull's eye here we go again
there's a bounty on your name and i'm down to play the game
i'll turn your fame to shame and gain more acclaim at the same time
and you are to blame, i'm just moving down the list
tonight death blows you a kiss
a man once turned his back on him, i had to put him in his place
but if i shot him in the back, well it would be a disgrace
i fired six o' clock, he said "you suck! wrong way!"
i wrapped that bullet round the earth and shot that joker in the face
i draw so fast that i once made an etch-a-sketch explode
i got too hot i shot the sun and then it snowed
i wear a snake skin belt, but i keep the snake alive
without a belt my pants fall down and i make the horses cry
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in ancient ruins, vultures circle shattered skies
descend upon the crestfallen ones to bring their demise
ephermeral fugue, deceptive unbind
eternal judgement, decrepit design
delusions deminish, perceptions intertwine
undying enigma, blasphemy so divine
serpents eradicate with pestilence, the vile arise
black oceans of malice spawn parasites, the last light dies
the autopsies reveal mutilated putrefaction
decapitated cadavers regurgitate fetuses
infected cranial pulp, castrated genitals
pungent evisceration, upset tummy, diarrhea
putrid maggots consume the flesh feast
and the ruptured doodoo hole of the deceased
an offering for satan- the dark lord
to descekrate the god that i have abhorred
oh lvcifer, ov the frostbitten north
i am yovr servent, forever henceforth
for yov i'd rape a nun, bvrn a chvrch until it's charred
i'd poop in the bible and klose the pages really hard
that bit about bvrning in hell for all eternity
i get to bypass that whole mess, don't i beelzebuddy?
this is war, this is the end
you'll never see my face again
so why don't you just go away?
METAL LYRICS ARE FUCKING GAY!
epic, angry, satan, gore
cut that shit out, we don't need more
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what the fuck is up? how you doing tonight?
are you ready to throw the fuck down? come on, i can't hear you!
i wanna see you tear this fuckin place apart! here we go!
well it's been a fun ride, i'm glad you joined me
but all good things come to an end and apparently, so does this cd
but dry your eyes, there is no need to cry
like bad fast food i'll be back for round two
and there will be blood, nothing can save you
i will return- that's a promise and a threat
but knowing me if i were you i wouldn't hold my breath
break this shit down!
all my attacks seems to have a shitload of ending lag
but i can't quit, cause i already wiped my ass with the white flag
but anyway, there's something that i'd like to say
if you'll allow me for a moment to be a little gay
as you read slash hear slash sing these words and you truly enjoy that shit
it means more to me than you know, and my junk twitches a little bit
i will return! that is a promise and a threat
your crotch will burn! our time you will never forget
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released November 6, 2014
DLR107
CC BY-SA
